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Two (out of three) of God's finest horses. Hubert and Peanutbutter Mouth. (Peanutbutter Mouth not pictured)

Upoultrysties

Every once and a while a deal comes along that you can not pass up. You know the feeling. In the grocery store, out of the corner of your eye, a yellow price tag grabs hold of your attnetion and pulls you in like a tractor beam that will not release you until you are fully aware of the eighty five cents you could very well save on E.L.Fudge cookies if you were to buy two packages.

This deal I speak of may trump even the smartest shopper's big fish story (the deal was thiiiiiis big). Everyone knows the hassles of furniture shopping. If it were easy, we would all update our feng shui more often. That's where your new best friends come in. Frankie and Johnnie are here to help you with the stress of buying your next living room set as well as the decision of what to eat for dinner tonight. You say you say you say how is that possible? It doesn't matter. It doesn't even matter if you have a social security number. So help him God, if you spend one thousand of your hard earned monies at their establishment, Frankie will see to it that you walk away with a slightly warm ten piece chicken set to go with your slightly stained three piece bedroom set. And Johnnie is there to let you have it, even if he has to use his jedi mind powers to set it right.

So even if you are newlywed or newlydead, they will say yes to your credit (with approved credit, select items only, excludes other discounts). Yet just another reason to visit St. Claude.

Spidey loves Mary Jane

Am I the one that is going to have to do this? It is with a heavy heart that I would have to, but here goes. The beloved Peter Parker (sigh), has fallen to a darker side. No, not the venomous dark side of venom, but the chronic dark side of...well, chronic.

Hear me out. Young Peter. Poor Peter. Living with his elderly, widowed aunt. He tries to help out by working at a pizza delivery place as well as taking pictures for the local newspaper. Now let's face it, Aunt May is not getting any younger. She begins using medical marijuana to aid in her decreasing vision. After forgetful Aunt May leaves it out on the kitchen counter one night, the desperate young Peter's spidey sense goes off and he thinks of a way to earn a little extra cash for the house.

It starts off small. He'll only take a little each week and sell it on his pizza route. He is amazed at how quickly and lucrative the plan worked. Each week he takes a little more. Each week he tells his aunt that her memory must be fading or she may need a stronger dose for her eyes. Before long, he starts trying the merchandise himself. Not only does he find that his vision increases as well, but he also starts feeling...well, really super. It's only a matter of time that his side business has him "swinging" around town, making deliveries in some pretty shady areas, encroaching on other dealers turf.

Now Peter has more to worry about than taking care of his pothead aunt. These other dealers have been at it a while and they mean business. They have the type of money to buy mechanical arms and exploding pumpkins to keep their street cred. One of them is made out of sand for crying out loud. With all of this new drama, the neighborhood's friendly weed slinger is forced to hide his identity by wearing a mask. Seemed like only yesterday he was nervous about talking to Mary Jane. Now, he can't seem to let her go.

It takes two

In the race to become the next leader of the free world, there are many choices. This could be the first time in our independence with a president of a different look, be it race or gender. So why not twins? And while we explore that path, what better twins than the young Olsens. Think about it. Better yet, don't think about it, just get out there and do your civil duty by writing in your vote. It doesn't even have to be election day, just do it. If you need further proof, just check out their policy regarding the naval force. So they would make a few changes? Bend a few rules? Why not? It's about time this nation updated their uniforms with a little dash of ultra green.

All I'm saying is this election, have some common sense. Let's elect the only team that can turn the White House into the Full House. They already have a Bill Clinton impersonator's approval, it is only a matter of time before they show Giuliani what they can do in a real New York minute.

and I'm proud to be an American

Dream 2 - WVA trilogy

Coming home to the Webster Village Apartments was weird. Even though I was a resident there, I handn't been there in some time. As Brooke and I walk past the mailboxes, I notice Eric is checking his mail. Eric is a friend of mine from high school whom I have not gotten the chance to speak to since he went into the military and thus over to the middle east shortly after graduation. Brooke keeps walking as Eric and I chat, but it is like he had not been missing from my life. As we walk toward our building (he lives on the parking lot side and I live on the street side), he hands me two pieces of my mail that were in with his. "Gee I wonder what I'll find in mine," I say as I flip through my own. Sure enough I have two pieces of his mail as well.

As I start walking up the stairs to my apartment I am going through the various envelopes. Citi card offer, Bank of America statement, something from a lawyer wanting to help with a recent speeding ticket, but the thing that confuses me the most is that scotch tapped to the last one is a bluish grey, bubble wrap envelope. I'm not sure what is inside.

As I reach the third floor and approach my door, I notice that someone had tapped something to the door and left a sign. On a green piece of paper in darker green puff paint, their is a note from Jennifer. She had stopped by to see me but I was out so she will see if she sees me later. P.S. she added an accessory to the door. The exact time (1:08 or 1:27 I think) was listed at the top. On the right side of the sign in green and gold is written "accentuate". This explains the object tapped to the door. It is a grey towel wrapped around the already existing large gold handle/knocker that is located in the middle of the door. The duct tape is going in long diagonal fashions across most of the door. I am relieved that it wasn't a note from Tucker saying that I haven't been around to help out around the apartment or that the door knocker has been too loud.

The door is partially open as I am taking in all of this and still glancing back to the mystery package in hand. Just then the door opens a little more and a woman steps out from behind it. "Hey Dave," greets a once psychology teacher but since then dater of Tuck. I have seen this person before, but am not even sure if my description is accurate. Startled that shes there and blanking on her name, I muster out "Oh...hey." She is in a dark maroon dress with a black sheer outer layer. She awkwardly moves her arms at her sides and in a shy voice states "I...I've put on a few pounds." The way she talks is a way that we both know she is of authority over me, but is down on my level by being on my turf for my roomate. My silence while my brain decides what to say without being generic prompts her to speak again. "You can't really tell though," she mutters almost under her breath, almost avoiding eye contact. "Well I certainly don't see it," I say moving into my apartment. The apartment feel so weird because I have been away from it for so long. Where I don't know. Everything in the room resembles a more grown up atmosphere. The cheap blue furniture is replaced by a more sophisticated cream color made of a finer suade-like material. As I farmiliarize myself with my surroundings by walking around, placing down my mail (except for the package), and turning on a rather stylish light in the corner, the woman and I stumble over if her sudden on and off weight issue and consider the fact that it could be a medical problem.

That's about where it ends. Previously I had moved back into the WVA and was roomates with a girl from one of my classes. We were both still in the move in phase and didn't really talk much but were both trying to figure out the kitchen, which was so high tech it was ridiculous. I'm talking an oven/refridgerator/tv that transformed out of where the table counter was. Next I would find myself moving in with Will. I took the room farthest from the door and remember that he had a friend over that was sitting on the couch. Nothing too striking in the previous instances, but this does make three.

The reality: The articles of mail I flipped through I had recieved prior in the day. All except the mystery envelope. Jennifer had done something nice. Instead of a sign, it was cleaning the floors. Nathan had wondered early what had happened to Tuck. I did not know, and I did not see him in the dream. I have been losing weight and I am off my medicine.

I just remembered who the lady at my apartment actually was. She was a high school teacher that I never had, not a psychology teacher. I always felt like even though we never really interacted that there was tension between us. She almost seemed threatened of my strong relationships with the rest of the staff and my ability to roam around due to my independent student status.

Dream 1 - Shiver me timbers

I'm not really sure how it happened, but one of my toes had to be cut off, which somehow required me to get a peg leg. My right leg looked like it just got shorter though. My other toes were still there at the end of my leg, but my leg ended around mid shin. Now I'm pretty sure that a doctor amputated my toe, but they didn't have any fancy or custom replacement legs so they gave me what looked to be a wooden stick with a bowl on top (arrggg).

So equiped with my wonderful pirate technology, I found myself at the house I grew up at where apperently my family was having some sort of a get together. I remember showing my mom and trying not to fall into the pool as I hobbled around. Come to think of it now that I am typing, it almost seems as if I was just bending my normal size leg and leaning on the peg leg. Hmm.

Anyway, next I did what anybody with a severed toe or lazy liar would do and I became a nanny. I was in a house with two parents and their three kids (boy-10, girl-7, boy-5). The dad and kids loved me but the mom was skeptical (I think it may have been the peg leg). I pretended there was nothing wrong with me, until I started making jokes about it. I asked the kids if they liked pirates, then turned to the parents and said "guess I know what I'm being for Halloween next year" after which I promptly fell over. I also remember grocery shopping with them. Needless to say, I think I got the job.

When I woke, my right leg was numb below the knee. Yeah. And here I was starting to get excited about my peg leg.