Dear Mr. Jr.,
Listen up buddy, I've had about enough. Who do you think you are flaunting your new Portobello Mushroom Thickburger every fifteen minutes on television? This one doesn't even have an attractive girl and I've never wanted one more. So fine. You win. You knew you would. Oh look at that. Google maps found one of your establishments a mere two miles from my apartment. In a small eight minutes, the combo will be in my possession. Or so I thought. Way to go hiding the restaurant, but last time I checked, you want people to be able to find your product in order to...order it. This proves not to be the case with your downtown Los Angeles location as I circled the address twice and could not find it. FIne. A quick call to the roommate and I will be redirected to the next one.
Vermont and Normandie? Really Carl? How is it I can pass about a million Burger Kings and a dozen other fast food places, but I have to truck my ass all the way to Vermont and Normandie to find yours. Fine. It's fine. Sorry. I'm just having a bad day that's all. Oh here it comes up on the left. Hmm. No drive thu or parking lot. Ok. I'll just park half in the red and half in the yellow down the street. I'd like to see someone stop me from getting this burger now. If they can manage to tow my car in the time it takes you to whip up one of your combos then they can keep it.
There. Order placed. To go number 63. Now we play the waiting game. Shit. I forgot to say curly fries. Maybe I can ask...nevermind they just put the regular ones up there. I still blame you. Bag in hand I race out the door. I have precious little time to get all the way back home in time to enjoy my meal warm. Oh wonderful. Everyone else in Los Angeles also wants to hurry home right at this moment as well. Now what was suppose to have taken eight minutes has taken an hour.
The moment of truth. I do the little fast food dinner dance when I walk through my apartment door. Throw the keys and wallet. Kick off the shoes and grab a plate. This whole scene becomes a blur of panic as if the burger is going to disappear unless I eat it immediately. I take out my regular (dammit) fries and liberate the burger from its carton and wrapper. My that looks like a tasty burger. I quickly get comfortable lift the burger to my mouth, twisting it about trying to find out the best angle from which to take my first victorious bite. After I make my way past the entire head of lettuce they managed to cram on there, I sink my teeth into the cheesy mess of mushrooms and meat. Now it's been a while since I have had Hardees (the true name of your franchise). The one thing I remember is that it does not disappoint. And this was certainly no exception. This was indeed a delicious fast food burger. But it did not wow me. C'mon Carl. Hardee's less complex version of the Infamous number three, mushroom n swiss thickburger, leads in delicious points. I could have stopped at any other joint in my journey to yours and who knows, maybe next time I will.
You did this to yourself Carl.
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