Morning of the Living Jackhammer

8 o'clock? Really? Well then this is what happens when you wake me up.

The repetitive hammering pierced through my single pane windows and sent tremors into my ribcage. This couldn't be an earthquake. Earthquakes aren't powered by a humming generator and mexican foreman yelling commands. They don't make pillow cases that go deep enough into ears to stop this. Suddenly the noise stops prompted by the most gruesome scream one could gargle. Then silence. My eyes shift back and forth wondering if it is safe to go to sleep or how much time I should spend thinking about what could have caused this deafness in my favor. Some unrecognizable mutter is exchanged. Then the beast fires back up and the concrete resumes it's demise. At this point I have to believe that city workers witnessed an accident with an easy solution provided by the fresh hole before them. The perfect concrete coffin. After all, the worker had a track record of missing days. As far as they are concerened, this was just another day he didn't clock in. In preparation for his return, I have started to fortify my home. Slaying a jackhammer carrying zombie will require a great deal of creativity.

Updates as warranted.

Let me tell you why Jesus is my favorite zombie: An Essay by condition d

Let me tell you why Jesus is my favorite zombie. Oh don't sound shocked. All the facts are there. He is just merely a much cleaner and sophisticated one. Did he or did he not rise up from the dead? I guarantee that if you leave a zombie in a grave, he won't be there in three days. Holy or not, undead is undead. Chirst is the superior zombie because he is quick and agile, possibly with the gift of flight. He doesn't lower himself by having an addiction to brains. He is smart enough to know that their is no nutritional value in the brain. Souls are where all the protein is. Realizing that the son of God is a zombie has brought light on another terrifying science fact. His friends, they all drank his blood right. Vampires. This all just further proves two of the coolest scary stories ever. But now we have something else to worry about. If they weren't powerful enough on their own, I don't want to imagine a race of hybrid vampire zombies. I think we are safe for now though. After all, last time I checked, Jesus was on our side. Lets just hope he keeps his appetite to that of a Nicole Ritchie.